Thursday, October 14, 2010

Doubts and Trials

   I'm not sure where to begin. My husband and I are having a power struggle with our 4-year-old son. I expect children to try and establish their independence. But, oh my goodness. This child of mine is more than I can bear at times. We have been consistent with our discipline, which worked well with our other two. We have even tried adjusting our method for trial periods.
    Now it seems it has come to a head. I have ended up in more tears in the past two weeks, than I have in my entire motherhood journey.  My husband, David, has been very helpful and supportive. Sometimes I think he is even getting through to our son. Yet, here we are contemplating whether we should seek counseling. Maybe that just means we are more normal than I care to admit. Or are we admitting defeat?
   What bothers me the most is I am finding myself not being patient and tolerant as I have been in the past. It's scary in fact. I begin to doubt if the Spirit is within me when I  find myself so short of the fruits of the Spirit. Where did my gentleness and long-suffering go?
   Last night, I was praying and found myself repeating, "Help me, Lord." Over and over, that's all that I could manage at times. Today I woke up with a joyful spirit that could have only been the work of God.  My spirit was renewed. I am happy to report that renewal helped me to get through and endure the day. God never leaves me, nor forsakes me. (Heb. 13:5)
   I am sure God will provide us with the strength and guidance we need. This life was never promised to be easy. Trials will come in various shapes and sizes. The solutions I seek are always from the same source, my heavenly Father. My hope for the future lies in Christ, as does my assurance to endure tomorrow's trials.

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