As a mother, better yet, as a person I have my ups and downs. Frankly, it annoys me. I realize life isn't one glamorous ride or even a smooth one. Overall, now this may shock some of you who know me, I am a relatively content person. I accept motherhood as a journey with mountains to climb and triumph and valleys to trudge through. There's literal and figurative baby muck to clean up and tears to dry. Best of all there is laughter and moments of glory when I realize every moment I have cringed has been worth it.
I have days, such as this one, where I had moments where I needed grace extended to me, more than the kids needed it extended to them. I prayed not only for serenity and sanity, but for self-control and contentment. This morning began as yesterday ended with doubt in my mind as a mother and wife. Last night I prayed as I always do, to do better and of course, for a huge dose of forgiveness. I am sure everyday I need the Lord's forgiveness, grace and love to patch up anything I have done wrong.
There isn't a "perfect" day in motherhood. Every day is a journey in its own right. When my youngest, Jacob, made his first trip or two to the ER for asthma, I was a mess. Now, I have a plan. Instead of freaking out that my husband is not home to tend to the other kids, I have a network of neighbors and in-laws who are there in moment's notice to aid us. When our homeschooling day ends up not as planned, that's fine by me.
Then there are the days that are filled with peace in my heart, you know the kids still argue. The kids' laughter is the greatest sound to a mother. Their hugs warm me up on the coldest of days. And the wonder of learning upon their faces is all the motivation I need to keep on moving.
Motherhood has been more work than I could have fathomed. I expected some, but not to this extent. I love it. Every triumph is that much sweeter. I have drawn closer to the Lord and have found His grace to be a lifesaver. Now when I begin to feel alone in my journey, I call upon His name louder and clearer than ever before. My purpose rests in Him, as does my value as a mother, a wife and daughter of God.